Asymmetries
by foREVerhauntingme
Summary: Kid has a meltdown when he realizes just how 'unsymmetrical' Italy, and the rest of Hetalia, is...except for a certain German...Crack!fic; thanks to a dear friend of mine...possibly complete unless you want more..?
1. Chapter 1

Death the Kid stared at the personification of Italy in absolute horror. The symmetry was…was…a NIGHTMARE! Not only was he the just the 'northern' half of the country, but his hair! He had only ONE curl on only ONE side of his head! It was DISGUSTING! Even his light blue uniform was uneven!

"Ve…" he giggled. "'Death the Kid'…you have a funny name. Why are you called 'Death the Kid'?"

The shinigami's eye twitched. "Because I am Death's son."

The country blinked. "Ve…that's still a funny name." he giggled again and his head slightly bobbed. Kid's eyes were drawn to the dreaded curl that had no purpose but to annoy his very existence. "Disgusting…" he murmured; eyes never leaving the quivering strand of hair.

"Ve?"

"That hair…it makes you asymmetrical! It's revolting! WHY CAN'T YOU BE SYMMETRICAL?"

Italy blinked and cocked his head to the side. "But you're uneven too. You have three stripes on only one side of your head…" he innocently stated.

Kid collapsed and beat his fists off the ground. "I KNOW DAMMIT! I CAN'T HELP IT! I'M HORRIBLE SHINIGAMI GARBAGE! I SHOULD DIE, IM SO SICKENING!"

Italy stared at the death god confused and slightly panicked. "Ve…please calm down. I didn't mean it!"

"-HORRIBLE! I'M SO OFFENSIVE I SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO LIVE!"

"I…I think it looks nice! Ve…you shouldn't beat yourself up over it…"

Kid stopped and stared up at the nation; eye twitching.

"Italy…who's this?"

They both turned towards the deep voice. Another nation, Germany, was approaching. His blond hair slicked back and wearing his green uniform. This nation, Germany, was…PERFECT! Perfectly symmetrical! Kid jumped to his feet and practically glomped the German; his eyes all lit up in joy.

"You're perfect! Not a hair out of place! Symmetrical in almost every way! Even your outfit is flawless! No wrinkles, tears or strange folds that don't appear on the opposite side! Each side is genially IDENTICAL! Left and Right! PERFECT!

Germany stared in horror at the strange man. He raised an eyebrow at him and glanced at Italy for help.

"Ve~! He likes you Doitsu! He doesn't really like me…I'm assymetrikal or…something…anyway, this is Death the Kid. His name is funny, but he is Death's son so that's why he's so strange."

"Oh…really?" Germany was slightly confused, but didn't really know how to react.

"VENEZIANO!"

"DUUUUDE!"

Death the Kid turned and gaped at the new people approaching, America and Italy Romano.

His eye began to twitch again as he took in the random _curl_ coming out of the Italy's _bangs_ which were parted to the _right_, not down the _middle_, and the piece of hair_ almost flying out of America's HEAD!_

"OH GOD!" Blood flew out of his mouth as he collapsed in agony from all the asymmetries of the nations.

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><p><em>pure crack no? This is all to do with my epic friend America (aka Mariko Higa). we were just thinking...what would Kid do if he ever met Italy? Since they are both played by Todd Haberkorn they are related in somemany ways~!_

_Plus i HEART both and plan to cosplay as both._

_Next chapter is Kid decided on the best way to make the country of Italy 'symmetrical' *hinthint* KINK COMING YOUR WAY!_

_Thanks Ally...images of Itacest and Kid...then chapter 3 with Germany and Kid...*facepalm* lovely...maybe chapter 4 with everyone on circle bed?_

_COMING UP!_

_REVIEW!_


	2. Chapter 2

_So...i live. I've had this half done for a while now...since i posted the first actually...i know...i'm sorry. I'm kind of glad i didn't post what i wanted to...it would have been taken down..._

_i hope this isn't too crappy. if it is...don't blame me. i cant get too detailed anymore -.- again...sorry...still tried to keep it funny..._

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><p>Neither of the Italy's were symmetrical…<p>

First, each was only half of the nation…which was wrong.

Second, they weren't perfect halves to begin with!

North Italy was happy and bubbly. South was irate and angry all the time. Italy Veneziano had a curl coming out of the left side of his hair while Romano's came out of his bangs! Even that was different! Veneziano parted them down the middle while Romano pulled them to the right!

Then there was skin and hair color. Veneziano was lighter completed and had more auburn hair while Romano was tanner and his hair was a dark brown.

One had honey eyes while the other had hazel.

One was raised by France, the other by Spain.

One loved pasta, the other tomatoes.

MY

GOD!

NOT SIMILAR AT ALL!

Death the Kid furrowed his eyes brows in frustration. How was he to give the country perfect symmetry if neither of its representatives were ALIKE!

He sighed, massaging his brow. What was a way to make them alike…

Perhaps if he were to…

Make the already symmetrical German nation pin them down so he could straighten their curls, force the northern one to get a tan and dye his hair darker and then make the other one part his bangs in the absolute center. Yes…that would work. Then…make a dish with both tomatoes and pasta then force them to remain quiet and expressionless. Perfect~! No one would even be able to know!

But…what of their country issues? Two halves of a whole. How was one to fix such an issues? The simple response would be to make them one, but…it was impossible for humans to-

Oh…

Oh….

Oh no…

Dirty thoughts!

DIRTY THOUGHTS!

Dammit!

Perhaps if they were to really become one…the older one, the southern half correct? Well, whichever one…he would insert himself into the others-

NO! DIRTY! Kidd smacked himself. He really needed to keep it together. He couldn't think that way about strangers…of course the thoughts were already there…might as well play them out…

The older one would insert himself into the younger, moving at such a pace that the other would be mewing in pleasure. Since they were Italian, they would be communing in that language, begging each other to do it again, and again, and again until their bodies would give out only to go again and again!

For hours they would be biting and moaning and pleading to go faster. Harder. To hit that one particular spot again. They would feel each other up and down, leaving no spot untouched by the other's hands. Every curve and flex of the muscle. Every small detail would be put to memory. Every imperfection would only make they want it more.

"Ah si!"

"Non smettere!"

"Sto per venire!"

"Vengo!"

Finally at the end, the eldest would remove himself from the other's hole and simple hold his brother.

Then…then they would be one.

Kidd sighed…now…he just needed to make this happen…and…uh…take care of the issue he now has developed between his legs.

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><p><em>So? you like? I know all of a sudden, I've been getting a lot of comments and stuff for this story. Sorry for those who had to wait and even bothered to read this chapter. Grazie~ i'm slowly coming out of my funk. Trying to get back into this. i wish i could say i have time, but i don't.<em>

_i'm going to Europe in two weeks and college by the middle of august. i'm going to try...but don't get your hopes up. sorry. i love you all though! *huggle*_

_R&R and VOTE IN MY POLL! it will give me inspiration! And TELL ME if you vote for a story i didn't put in the poll...or i wont do it...simple as that~ THANKS~~~~~~~_

_-REV_


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